Gaily Bedight a Gallant Knight...

Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old,
This knight so bold,
And o'er his heart a shadow,
Fell as he found,
No spot of ground,
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength,
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow;
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be,
This land of Eldorado?"

"Over the mountains
Of the moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied,
"If you seek for Eldorado!"

-Edgar Allen Poe

This poem seemed a fitting tribute to my dad - Poe was a well loved author of his, and he had this poem memorized and would recite it to me whenever I asked. Maybe now dad has found his Eldorado. I'll miss this, and all of the other stories and quirks my dad had. We had the memorial for dad this past Sunday, December 21st, on what was likely the coldest day of the year in Wisconsin. I like to think dad wanted it that way. It was an amazing experience - overwhelming at times, but comforting as well. It meant so much to greet people as they arrived and the support and sympathy was incredibly moving.

We held the ceremony at Grace Church in Madison. This is my dad's church...he was baptized there, served as an acolyte, attended Sunday School there, was married there, and attended the funerals of his family that passed before him there. It was a nice service, although I had trouble holding back the tears at times... It's been difficult getting used to the idea that he is gone, really gone from his living life. Each step seemed like one more finality - reminding me of our loss.

We finished the week by cleaning out the rest of dad's apartment. It was our good fortune that we took care of a large part of this earlier in November. Mariam and Grace and I reminisced about dad, and sorted through old papers, photos and mementos. When I finally left his place for the last time on Tuesday night - it was so difficult. To think that I would never be able to come home to dad again, was so hard...I had to keep reminding myself that I could take him with me, and carry him in my heart every day.

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster, moments of good and moments of bad. It's been amazing to feel the support of family and friends. My mom was an amazing comfort through the whole thing. This support is helpful for those lower moments...where I think about how I just didn't have enough time with him...or how there are so many other conversations I wish I could have had with him. I know this post seems a little disjointed...but I am still working through it all in my mind.

Thank you to everyone for the condolences and the sympathy...it means a lot to me. P.S. - the photo at the top was taken by grace during the last hospital stay...he was so strong, hardly complained and even kept a smile on his face.